My answer may surprise you, but I don’t stop my ego. I don’t believe in this word not for a second. I have no time for it. I allow myself to feel my feelings. They are like rain. All rains come to a stop. I have a question for you, what do you mean by you do not love someone but you are sad? Is it the irony that is confusing? Life is ironic at times, I allow it, I can like someone, but not be in love. That would be why I experience conflicting emotion. Emotions have a range. There is no dishonesty in this. Different cultures have different solutions for coming to terms with emotions. I respect that you would like an answer to stopping the ego so I can suggest what others have said.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness meditation, practicing non-judgement, ie, refraining from judging. These analytical approaches may provide more comfort to you.
I want to be as respectful as possible of others' feelings. I know that so many people have read about this concept ego and they have decided to adopt this concept. I studied greatly about the ego for decades. I do not come to this conclusion lightly. I have wrestled with the guilt and over-analysis that trying to harness one's ego implies. I asked myself a very big question years ago: what if there is no such thing as the ego?
If there were no such thing as the ego, then the emphasis would be on balance rather than suppression. If there were no ego, I wouldn't be apologetic for striving, yet my yearning and striving would be balanced with my consideration for myself and others. This is quite a far cry from ''keeping my ego in check.'' I dare say it is delusional to operate from the need to control a non-existent thing.
This blog post is in response to someone posing a question of , ''How do I control my ego when someone I love no longer loves me?" And I answer: First of all, why is controlling the ego the main concern on this person's mind? I am not an expert in Freudian psychoanalysis. However, I have very little regard for Freudian concepts.
Now is the time to ask: What is the fear people have of their strengths and abilities? What is the fear people have of their emotions? Would it not be more useful to breakdown, one by one, whatever character flaws are being lumped together under the word ego?
I am all for searching deeply and self-improvement, but not when it becomes a self-punishing act. Using the word ego becomes a vague brick wall and we are not able to go further.
I have tutored English as a second language for decades. I enjoy reading literature and philosophy. I think deeply about the meaning of words. I have increasingly become annoyed at the emptiness and hollowness of the word ego, and how it is often used as an insult or weapon as a catch-all phrase.
Since learning that I am an 8 in the Enneagram sense, I now understand why so many people have hurled accusations my way about being ''egotistical". I have devoted most of my life to volunteering, charity, and countless helpful deeds. I would be one of the last people to be ''egotistical'' according to me. When I look at the word very deeply, I see that it is about limitation, selfishness, competitiveness. Yet most people would say that is not the definition or function of the word egotistical. When I ask people what they mean by that word, it takes a whole paragraph, and still I am no further in understanding what they are trying to say, other than they feel insecure or threatened by me. By my doing good deeds? By my offering help, assistance, listening, or by my creating something new? I understand language as having a whole range of words, similar words, and opposing words, but there is a hopefully a preciseness, a utility in the usage of the words.
How is ego or egotistical useful? It seems to be as subjective as fat or lazy or stupid. As sharp and clear as some words and communicators are, there will invariably be others who are less precise. However, I can say that right now in society, words like fat etc. are being seen as shaming and judgmental. It is time to add egotistical to the list. It is a redundant term, translated from thousands of years ago, between many languages, and meant to imply that we are grasping, whatever that means. A little bit of grasping, a little bit of desire and a little bit of ''ego'', which I prefer to call confidence would do a lot of people a lot more good. It is all about proportion, balance, respect and timing, and only by living life skillfully does anyone master this.